155 Days
by destielintheimpala67
Summary: ((AU, TW: depression, major character death)) Castiel and Dean's marriage as been rocky so far, and with a child on their hands now. Divorce soon follows, but when Castiel realizes that Dean has been sending him signs for help, he rushes to Dean's side only to find he didn't get there in time.


CHAPTER ONE

INBOX-

DW: Damn it, Cas! We have a CHILD now. We need to stop this.

CW: Dean there's nothing wrong.

DW: You sneaking off in the middle of the night? Leaving for days

apart? Soud familiar

CW: Yes because I still have to attend to my duties as an ex-

angel to clean up Heaven as much as I possibly can.

DW: I couldn't care less! You have a son now and you know maybe

if Sam were around this wouldn't be so hard but I'm a single parent

without you around. We're Adam's only living relatives that aren't in

Hell or Heaven, Cas. We owe him a good childhood.

CW: I understand, Dean. But I cannot always be around. And you

picking a fight is not helping the issue.

DW: Sometimes I think that getting a divorce would just be easier

than all this but now that we have Adam. I can't do that to him. So

I need you to work with me. You have a choice. You can hang out

with the ex- angel club for 5/7 of your week or become a full time father.

CW: Dean I'm not doing this right now. I'm busy. Let's do this later.

Dean snapped his phone shut angrily and slammed it on the table.  
"Daddy- what's wrong?" his son asked. Adam was an adorable

five year old with freckles covering his entire face and beautiful

blonde curls.  
"Nothing sweetie. Daddy is just having a frustrating day." He

tried to smile for his son but figured even a five year old could tell

that his smile was far from genuine.

"Can Cas come home soon?" Adam asked, worry in his eyes.  
"He'll be home as soon as he can."

Castiel was barely around even though they had always tried

to get him into the habit of calling cas dad, he had never gotten

the hang of it..  
"I want him home now." Adam's eyes filled with tears.

Dean scooped Adam up into his arms. "Shh...it's okay. Daddy's got

you..shhh..." he bounced Adam gently and began to sing to him.

"Hey Jude. don't make it bad...take a sad song...and make it better."

his voice was the equivalent of a beautiful lullaby.

Usually this calmed Adam down by now, but he was bawling as loud

as ever.

Dean bit his bottom lip, unsure what to do. "Hey Adam- Adam" he looked

his son in the eyes and waited until they were both staring at each other.

"Remember what Daddy and Cas told you? Angels are watching over you.

I bet they're watching over you right now and they know that it'll get better."

Adam wiped his tears away and smiled. "Really?"

Dean nodded. "Yes, of course." He grinned, but it was a painful grin. Because

he had been trying so hard not to tell his son lies but nowadays it was the

only way to comfort him.

"Okay." Adam laughed as Dean tickled him below his chin and blew raspberries

against his neck.

The door opened and Castiel Winchester entered, wiping his dirty boots on the wire mat.

"CAS!" Adam cried and leapt out of Dean's arms and ran over to Castiel who gave him

a tired smile and opened his arms to a hug.

"Hi buddy, how was your day?"

Adam thought about this. "Daddy missed you. I heard him talking to himself

earlier. I think he's going crazy." he whispered in Castiel's ear. Castiel smiled

at Adam but secretly worried. "I missed you to!" Adam said, louder.

"Good because I've been thinking about you all day!" Cas exclaimed.

Dean smiled at the two of them. This was how he liked it. It made them all seem like

a big happy family which they were rarely seen as together. "Hey Adam me and Daddy need

to talk in our room for a bit, okay?" Dean said to Adam.

Adam nodded and ran over to the tv, turning it on and watching some show about two brothers

who fight supernatural creatures. Adam saw it and groaned. It was a re- run. They'd already

gone and fought off the Trickster.

Ignoring the TV, Dean led Castiel to their bedroom and they sat down on the bed.

Castiel looked expectant. "Yes?" he asked.

Dean leaned over and wrapped his arms around Castiel's neck and met his lips, warm

against his own. They both pulled away instantly.  
"Do- do you s-see what I mean? It's gone, Cas. THERE'S NOTHING." he began to sob

and laid his head in the crook of Cas' neck.

Cas cradled him. "Dean. I'm sorry. I'm trying. I really am. I still care for you. But. I don't think

we can be the same people we were when we fell in love. We just can't."

The tears only flowed quicker and got stuck against Dean's eyelashes, making them heavy.

"Shh..It's okay, baby. It's okay."

They sat and held onto each other like that until Dean was asleep on Castiel's chest. Neither

of them moved. Adam eventually fell asleep on the couch and Castiel fell asleep, Dean's head

on his chest, his arms wrapped around Castiel's waist.

The next few weeks were filled with packing. Just packing. Castiel took off two weeks to help

pack, the most they'd been together since they'd adopted Adam after marrying five years ago.

"Daddy where are we going?" Adam asked, yawning as he awoke from a long period of sleeping.

"Well you and me are going to go on a little vacation for awhile while Cas takes care of some

things at his work, okay?" Dean fibbed.

Adam nodded. "When are we coming back?"

Dean's eyes filled with tears but he wouldn't let Adam see him cry. "I- I'm not sure, sweetie.

Hopefully soon."

CHAPTER TWO

The house small townhouse that Dean and Castiel had bought for Dean and Adam to live

in proved to be very cozy. As far as Adam knew, they were in a one room hotel for a few

weeks while Cas did some important work. As far as Dean knew, they were in their new

home for a few months that might become years while Castiel and Dean sorted out their

emotions.

"Daddy can Cas come over for dinner tonight?" Adam asked on their second week in the

new house. They had repainted the walls brown and Dean had been working to fix the creaky stairs. As soon as they did some work on the plumbing, it'd be good as new. Sort of. Castiel

had gotten the nice big house but the only things that made it home were his husband and son

and he didn't have either of those now.

"Probably not tonight, kiddo." Dean replied while stirring eggs around in a pan. Since moving

he'd improved on his cooking and cleaning skills. Being a single parent was easier when you

weren't always waiting for the other person to help. It was better now knowing that Castiel wasn't

coming around anytime soon, Dean thought.

"But I want to see him! We never see him!" Adam whined, throwing a bowl of mashed potatoes

on the ground. Dean nearly slipped on the spilled potatoes and ended up dropping the pan along

with the eggs on the floor, completely ruining their meal.

"Dam-s are what beavers live in." he quickly saved himself from cursing in front of his son. It'd been a big struggle recently. All the upkeep was really getting to him. And his son was being

home schooled for now, until Castiel and Dean got things worked out between them financially.

Castiel had been giving Dean money to care for himself and Adam, but they still needed a solid

Plan, a base before they could do anything like enrolling Adam in public school.

"Daddy I know you say bad words when I'm not here. You can say them. I won't tell anyone."

Dean had to laugh at his son. Adam was so cute.

"Thank you, honey. Daddy doesn't mean for you to hear those words, though." He smiled at his

son and cleaned the mashed potatoes and eggs up. "Looks like we'll be eating out tonight.

Where to?" he asked, knowing the answer would be Burger King.  
"BURGER KING!"

The Winchesters used to go there as a family all the time when Adam was about three. Back when they talked more often and shared the occasional laugh and knew what was going on

In each other's lives.

"Burger King it is! Lemme grab the keys and we'll held out to the car!" They both smiled in excitement. They hadn't been to Burger King in a long while and it was full of so many good memories. On their way out the door, though, Dean saw something he hadn't expected.  
"Hey Dean." Castiel stood there, wearing his blue tie, white dress shirt, black slacks and tan

trench coat and looking as handsome as ever.

Dean raised his eyebrows. "Uh hey. What… what exactly are you here for?" He filled with hope,

Because if Castiel was back it was obviously important and maybe that mean that Castiel had

Decided he wanted to try to push forward with their marriage, at least for Adam.

"I got this today." He held out a plain sheet of paper.

"What is it?" Dean asked, squinting.

"Apparently someone heard about our fighting and informed the CPS about it because they were

worried that our fighting was going to end up in us potentially abusing our son."

Dean's eyes widened. "What! Who told them? Who knew?" he yelled.

"You did."

Dean's jaw dropped. "What the fuck are you talking about?! I didn't say anything about us fighting

To the CPS, why would I?!" he said, his voice rising and his face getting redder.  
"They'd like us to meet with them tomorrow at noon. And possibly attend couples therapy." Cas said, remaining calm throughout this all.  
"Fuck what they want! We don't need any damn therapy!" Dean yelled, covering Adam's ears

As he did so.

Castiel held a finger to his mouth. "No need to make this even worse. Can we just go inside and

Eat something and talk about this after dinner? Perhaps I could stay the night?"

Adam heard this and his face lit up in excitement. He turned to Dean. "Pleaaaase Daddy! Pleaseee!" he hopped around Dean.

"Why not." Dean replied, smiling at Adam, but keeping a completely straight, emotionless face

when he turned back to Castiel.

Out of habit, Dean grabbed Castiel's hand and led him into the house as if they were in their old life. Oddly, Castiel didn't say anything about it.

Castiel and Dean both grabbed aprons and spatulas and started making hamburger patties, side by side, just like they used to. It was so familiar it hurt them both. In fact they even shared a few

Jokes and snorted at them together in between flipping the hamburger patties.

"Cas..do you think we're making a good choice? Seperating? At least for now?" Dean asked after finished cooking the patties. He looked up at the sky, imagining the clouds as different objects.

Castiel thought about this and then looked up at the sky. He didn't answer, just looked at the clouds. "See that one… way up there?" He pointed at a cloud fluff to which Dean couldn't pick apart from the rest of the clouds. "It looks like our- your car. The impala." When Dean couldn't find

It, Castiel took Dean's hand in his own and pointed it at the cloud until Dean saw it. Cas turned

To Dean. "Dean.."

Dean leaned forward, grabbing Castiel's waist and pulling him in with a kiss to which Cas didn't object.

Apparently joint teamwork on hamburger patties made exquisite dinner for three. "I don't remember having a home- cooked meal this good in a LONG time!" Castiel sighed once his plate was empty.

Dean looked over at him and smiled. "It was, wasn't it."

Adam saw that the two of them were clearly getting along better and grinned brighter than he had in weeks. Seeing his parents not fight was his favorite thing in the entire world.

Castiel carried Adam into his room and tucked him in, told him a story about a brave warrior by the same name who died for his family and saved the day, then kissed his son goodnight and returned to Dean's room.

Dean was folding his shirts when Castiel came in. "You're so much cleaner than I remember, Mr. Winchester!" Castiel joked.

"Well you know I try" Dean threw a shirt at Castiel's head and they both laughed when it missed and hit the lamp sitting on Dean's oak dresser.

"Have we done anything like this in the past five years, Cas? I can't remember the last time we genuinely cuddled and were happy." He looked up at the carpet, wiggling his toes in it.

Castiel crossed the room and ran his fingers through Dean's hair, taking him in. A minute later,

He let himself get lost in Dean's touch. They hadn't been so connected since they first got married. "I miss this. I miss being with you, Cas. But I- " Cas began to kiss him, his chin his cheeks, his nose then his lips. Dean pushed at Castiel and pulled back. "No matter how much we cuddle. It's just never going to change that fact that we're not..we're not Dean and Cas anymore. We're Dean and then Cas over there. It's not the same. We can't just kiss and have everything back to the way it was." Dean explained.

"I… I understand…I'm sorry." Castiel sighed, then left the bedroom. He grabbed his keys and jacket. "I'll- I'll talk to the CPS. I'll take care of it. Don't worry about it. It was nice to… nice to see you again, Dean." He waved, choking on tears that didn't run down his face until the door to the townhouse was shut and he was in his car.

Later, Castiel went to take a shower, exhausted. Tomorrow he'd meet up with CPS and explain everything. He'd tell them that Dean and him were going to separate, that it wasn't worth investigating. That they had everything under control. He stripped of his layers. His jacket fell to the floor and photos fell out of it. He didn't remember putting them in there. He could've sworn his pockets were empty before he went to Dean's house. Mixed in with the photos was a little note.

Daddy -

I know you and Dad are fighting a lot. And you try hard to bee strong for me. But grown ups can cry to. I love you guys and it makes me sad to sea you fight. Please remembur what you and Dad got marryd for. You love each othur. I will love you no matter wat you do. but I want you to have these. So you can always remembur how much you loved each othur.

Love,

Adam

It was written on white paper in blue crayon.

Little drops of water appeared on the paper before Castiel even realized he was crying. Next he picked up the pictures. One was from before Adam was even born. It was taken during the apocalypse with Castiel, Dean, Sam, Bobby, Jo, Ellen and the family. The next one was from Dean and Castiel's wedding. The photos were getting drowned in tears by now. He flipped to the next one to see Dean, Cas and Adam out eating at Burger King and Castiel had on a kids crown and they were all making silly faces together. He flipped through them, photo after photo of either Castiel and Dean or Adam with Castiel and Dean. And the last photo was a of a letter. The photo looked fresh. It was a letter addressed to Sam, who'd died stopping Metatron. It was dated five months ago. It was from Dean.

Sam,

I know you told me that it will always get better. That I should always have hope for my relationships. But everyone is gone now and Cas and Adam are all that I have and Castiel is barely here. I don't think we even love each other anymore. I don't know what to do. I can't handle this anymore. It's too hard without you. I need you. Castiel doesn't even care about me anymore and Adam deserves a better father. If things don't get better. I might as just kill myself. I've already tried. Cas didn't find out. I didn't tell anyone. I can't tell you how upset I was that it didn't work. I just don't know what to do. I miss you. I love you forever.

Love,

Dean

It was dated the week that Dean lost his job and Castiel had started working later and more frequently. Cas couldn't believe it. This was all his fault. It was all his fault. If only he'd given more thought to it, appreciated Dean a little more. Maybe they wouldn't be in this situation. When Castiel re= read the letter he saw on the back a number. 155.

155 days had passed since Dean had wrote this letter. Oh my god. Dean was counting down the days until he was going to-. Castiel threw the letter down along with the pictures and ran out of his house and slid into his car, leaving his house in the dust. He dialed Dean's house number and

nervously tapped on the wheel with his fingers. After a minute of ringing, he heard his son's voice. It was scared. Panicked. "DADDY! CAS! HELP!" he screamed. Oh god! No! "DADDY IS IN THE BATHROOM AND HE WONT OPEN THE DOOR B-B-BUT THERE'S BLOOD COMING FROM THE DOOR AND HE ISN'T SAYING ANYTHING!" He cried. Castiel dropped his cellphone and

slammed his head against the wheel. This wasn't happening. He swerved to avoid a deer and picked up his phone. "ADAM! ADAM- LISTEN TO DADDY- CALL 911. RIGHT NOW. TELL THEM

YOUR DADDY IS BLEEDING AND MAY BE- BE- HAVE A FATAL SELF- WOUND. THEN CALL ME RIGHT BACK ,OKAY?" he heard his son sobbing and screaming for his dad on the other end "ADAM! CALL 911 BABY IT'LL BE OKAY." He let his son get control of his brother and end the call. In four minutes he was at Dean's house, running to the porch, fishing out his copy of Dean's house key. He unlocked the door and ran upstairs and saw his son sitting in the corner, sobbing. "WHERE IS DADDY, ADAM?" Adam pointed to the door on the far left, two doors up. Indeed, there was blood seeping from under the door. Castiel gasped and grabbed the figure extinguisher from the closet and began to break the door down with it. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! BOOM! The door fell to pieces and Dean was sitting behind it, unconscious, at least five cuts deep enough on his arm to kill him as soon as he created them. Castiel ran over to Dean and felt his neck for a pulse. Nothing.

"DEAN! NO! DEAN! COME ON! DON'T- DON'T DO THIS TO ME! DEAN. PLEASE." Castiel sobbed. EMT's pushed passed him, gingerly carrying his body out to a gurney and driving to the nearest hospital. Castiel watched this all through tears. He felt dizzy and fell to the ground.

The room was an ugly green color. Cheap paint, probably. That was the first thing Castiel saw when he awoke. He was in the hospital, his son sleeping next to him. He was in the family waiting room. But not the normal waiting room. He'd been here before. They took you to this room only if you're family member was dead or 90% likely to die within the next twenty four hours. He put his face in his hands, groaning. Adam's eyes fluttered open and saw his father sitting next to him. He grabbed a hold of his father's hand and squeezed it tight, not letting go. "It'll be okay, daddy". He said softly, almost a whisper.

"I know it will, baby. I'm just so sorry I didn't realize the problem before this. I'm sorry I've been such a terrible father and an even worse husband to your dad. I can't undo that but if I could I'd take that opportunity in a heart beat." Adam only nodded.

A woman in an untasteful green nurse's outfit that matches the green color of the walls appeared in front of them. "Family of Dean Winchester?"

Castiel's head whipped up "Yes that's us."

She gave them a look of pity and said "follow me."

The nurse, Marissa, her nameplate read, took them to Dean's room. They got there to find Dean, eyes closed, not moving.

"Oh my god!" Castiel began crying in his hands. "I- This is all my fault!" he cried. "He didn't deserve this."

Marissa tapped him on the shoulder lightly and pointed to the hospital bed again. "What? I've already seen the body. I don't need to stare at it all day."

"No, dear, look." She took his hand and led him over. When he wiped his eyes dry of tears, he found a pair of green, sparkling ones looking right back into his. "Dean! Dean!" he cried, hugging his husband tightly.

Dean smiled. "Hey Cas."

Cas began babbling. "I'm sorry I'm a terrible person, I should've seen these problems way before now and I should've been more supportive and caring and I'm-" Dean interrupted him by yanking on his tie and pulling him into a kiss. "I think we can work something out." He whispered.

Castiel smiled down at his husband. His husband, that was here to stay.

Adam ran over and hugged them both.

ONE YEAR LATER:

Castiel and Adam walked silently throughout through the cemetery together to the grave.

Adam set flowers down on the base of the headstone.

"It was never supposed to end this way, I'm eternally greatful for you. You will never be forgotten. For your kindness, your bravery, your friendship, your love." Castiel set a single white rose down on the headstone next to Adam's bright yellow flowers.

"DEAN!" Castiel called, looking over at his husband grabbing his things out of the impala.

Dean looked over at them and waved. "I'll be over there in a minute!" he got out a basket and a picnic blanket from the back of the Impala. He walked through the grass and set the picnic blanket down in front of the empty grave. Castiel, Dean and Adam set down and Dean passed out four plates, each with a slice of pie on them. One for Castiel, one for Adam, one for Dean and one one in front of the headstone. Dean looked at the headstone. "Happy Birthday, Sammy." He said.


End file.
